Beyond The Wall of Silence
Silence. What leads us to withhold our emotions and thoughts from others? Do we purposely inhibit our ability to express ourselves, or is it something far deeper? Today, I embark on a journey of self-reflection, delving into the depths of my mind to gain a deeper understanding of the human psyche.
As I began to study more of the human mind, I realized that I had zero knowledge of what "mental health" truly is, or the factors that contribute to a healthy mind. In the process of studying in my course as a "Mental Health Technician" at Texas A&M of Texarkana, I began my journey to understand more about the human intellect by studying the history of the past and present, and the various factors that can inhibit our capability to openly share our thoughts and emotions, particularly among men. I will now begin my self-reflection.
When I was younger, I remember a sentence one of my friends said: "I know what it feels like to be a burden" - Rashid. I didn't understand what he meant by that until he explained it to me. Now, I understand that in our current times, us men feel like if we express ourselves, we will be burdening others, right? We avoid conversations with our family or loved ones, but that will eventually bring us harm in our relationships, distancing us from them. This can lead to a breaking point, where we might resort to indulging in drinking, smoking, or even suicidal thoughts.
Another interesting subject I learned from my course was that culture and ethnic influences play a major role in how our emotions and feelings are perceived and expressed. For example, in my culture and ethnicity (Mexican), there is something called "machismo," which embodies a strong or aggressive masculine pride. It might sound acceptable, but in reality, it's not. The way I perceived it was that the man had all the authority, and the woman could not even voice her opinion on something without risking harm. Drinking was also a major factor, with a belief that "you're not a man if you don't drink beer." Sadly, this led many men to associate excessive drinking with masculinity, blurring the true meaning of being a man. These are a few examples of "machismo" and the dark side of my culture.
The lack of emotional vocabulary and skills can also significantly contribute to our silence. I can speak from my own experience; it's very hard for me to communicate with my partner and family about my feelings. There's a stigma about men crying - "Men don't cry." Some of us took that to heart and never showed our vulnerability. A great example of this struggle was shared by one of my friends: "Men's mental health is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. A lot of men have trouble expressing their emotions, mainly because they don't want to be vulnerable. Or at least that's how I feel. Being weak-minded. Men shouldn't have to hide their feelings. It's okay to cry like a little kid again. It's okay to let it all out. It's okay to express yourself in the way you see fit (obviously no violence or anything of that matter)" - Adam. Crying is just one form of sharing our emotions when we cannot fully express ourselves verbally. There are other ways too - music, dance, writing, art, quotes, and sharing experiences can all be forms of communication.
Having faced adverse events in the past can also prevent us from sharing our feelings. Due to our past experiences, we tend to hold our expectations negatively, assuming that fear is a key factor that detains us. I'm sure we've all had past negative experiences, like being rejected, mocked, or not taken seriously when sharing feelings. These experiences can make people scared to open up again, fearing a similar hurtful response. While I wish to share my personal experience, it's deeply personal. Yet, I know that we can all relate to some degree.
As we navigate the labyrinth of our emotions, it's crucial to understand that vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. The more we break free from the shackles of societal expectations and past traumas, the closer we come to embracing our true selves. It is through this authenticity and willingness to share, that we not only find healing for ourselves but also pave the way for a more compassionate and understanding world, one where our emotional expressions are not confined by gender or cultural norms. Let us, men, embark on this journey together, supporting one another in breaking the silence and creating a brighter, emotionally connected future.
The featured book of the month is "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Link to the book.